from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
