so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
