okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
