so that wasnt chicken after all
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
