i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I should be sponsored by Trojan
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
