No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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