Will you blow on my dice?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
