No, you can still breathe under the balls.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
