I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
