I feel great
I just peed on a car
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
