Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
