What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
