my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
