Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
