But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
whose ass print is on the piano?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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