I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
