respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
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