she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
