Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
