Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Dick very happy bro
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