There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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