My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I made him laugh his dick is mine
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
i think im in europe. pls send help
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
