i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
