I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
