covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
