fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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