was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
