oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
