Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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