I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
