I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
