FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
