my mouth tastes like poor choices
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
porn star boner night. come get it.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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