So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I could make wine with my vomit
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Randomize
