She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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