hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
