Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
