The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
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