There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
