I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
