my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
