I can't breathe out the right side of my face
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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