FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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