can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
