oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
This is the high leading the old right now
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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