u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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