so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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