i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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