i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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