he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
