laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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