I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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