Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
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